What now?

I think the last couple months have been the hardest... or who am I kidding? Everything since Alexandra has been just plain hard. I've had a cold on and off since December. Then I had some ear issues and yesterday I woke up to the sweet pain of a toothache, which has now been diagnosed as a cavity and abscess, really? Ugh. But the bright side in all of this is Joshua is kicking away, our nightly monitor readings look good along with the NSTs, but somehow I'm still not comforted by any of that. This tooth thing really worried me because I've heard of infections getting into the baby and being fatal! Are you kidding me?!?! I'm 34 weeks pregnant, almost to the scary week. I don't need to think about that right now! However, I went to my dentist today and he prescribed me some antibiotics for the abscess and scheduled work to be done after the baby was born, so talking to him, plus my other doctor, I think I'm okay. Still scary though, especially since I've made the big step of purchasing clothes/bedding for this little guy. I'm almost afraid to get excited about all of these things. It's all too familiar. All the clothes are bought. The bedding is bought. We have the furniture...and are just waiting. Waiting for what though? I keep thinking the worst and I hate that I think that. I try so hard to banish those thoughts and they still linger in the back of my mind. Nights are a joke lately since half the time I'm either up or holding my belly to make sure he's still moving in there. I honestly don't remember being that afraid with Alexandra. I remember hoping she would make it through the night and feeling my belly to make sure she moved, but I don't remember this panic I have of course. It's so hard. About three more weeks to go... please let us have our happy ending so our hearts can be "almost" happy and full again. That's all I ask for and all I want.

p.s. At the dentist today, there was a newborn in the waiting room. He was the tiniest thing I have ever seen. He was born 5 and 1/2 weeks early due to pre-eclampsia and weighed 3 lbs. 14 oz. (this I all hear just from her talking to the secretaries there) Now he weighs about 8 lbs. She got her baby... he's alive. He was born early. Joshua probably weighs about 5 lbs. now. I know he needs to stay a little longer in me, but sometimes I can't help but think, 'get him out!' He can spend some time in the NICU for a little bit... I know I shouldn't wish for my baby to be born early and have to have a NICU stay, but those thoughts entered my mind. I just want him so much. :(   I want him alive and I want him in my arms... just like that lady in the waiting room. Oh, and let me just add the lady was upset he was born early because she was forced to miss some of her finals in college... are you really serious lady? THAT is what you're upset about? Talk to me.. I'll give you something to feel upset about. People amaze me.