28 weeks

28 weeks now and.... still not feeling all that safe. I know Alexandra's pregnancy is completely different than this one. It's a different baby too. Just because I lost Alexandra at 35 weeks does not mean something will happen with this one (fingers crossed). It's just so hard to feel completely confident in everything when I know the worst can happen because it happened once before. I hate it! But.... we had an ultrasound today and everything was well and on track. Baby is 2 lbs. 12 oz. :-) and here he is! I love him! I go back in five weeks and at 32 weeks, I start weekly NSTs. All I want is to bring this little guy home, so very much.

I haven't been able to buy anything yet because I've been too afraid. The logical side of me says, don't be silly. The act of buying something for this baby will not 'jinx' you. But my heart says, 'don't even think of it just yet'. I've been able to look at a lot of things I want though, so I guess that's a step in the right direction. The whole thing just sucks to say the least. This time with Alexandra, we had already signed her up for daycare and she was practically in the door. With this baby, we've been too afraid to sign her up for daycare and because of that, we probably won't get in until the fall. But I would rather have the dilemma of not knowing how to take care of the baby until then rather than something else right now. Hopefully in the next few weeks, I'll start to feel a little more confident and can start spoiling this new baby! And now that I'm officially on maternity leave, maybe I can start. :-)  I decided to take an extra long leave this time around. No stress, no worrying about getting into a potential car accident on the way to or from work in the crazy traffic and weather... just lots of time to take it easy and focus on this little man.