This time around is so very different. I remember the first day after my first appointment with Alexandra. We called practically everyone we knew. My husband called most of the people in his family. I remember his sister cried because she was so happy. Now...I'm not sure if that was true or not. My how things change. This time around we told our parents first and a few select people. A lot of the family still do not know. I can only imagine the barrage of comments and thoughts running through people's heads. "Oh, so soon?", "Oh...well, surely she's over it now! Now she can really move on and focus on this baby and just forget about that other one!", "Why again? She's just going to lose another one." Ouch. All those seem pretty hurtful and hopefully, I will not have to hear any of them, but I know I can count on a few assholes to say it. Come on, I dare you. I'm ready to take it and this time, I'll blame crazy hormones for my wicked comeback. For now though, I'm going to enjoy the fact that only a handful of people do know. Those few are the ones that I love and the ones who seem to just "get it".
I also haven't joined any baby sites like I did with Alexandra. There will be no weekly updates of how this little jumping bean is growing. I know for the most part what is going on in there and I don't need those daily reminders, in case god forbid... I have to remove myself from all those mailing lists again. I haven't opened any pregnancy books or even taken a peek at what day February 19th is. I don't think I need to know for quite some time. Now, I just want to get to the next day...the next week. That is good enough for me.
Yeah, get ready for stupid comments. Some will be intentional, many will not be meant to be hurtful....just remember that people are stupid. Seriously. That is what I am trying to do...most of the time it works for me, sometimes I just get tired of excusing things because people are dumb.
ReplyDeleteSomeone commented to me at summer school today that 'we all knew you were pregnant before you told us.' (apparently my boobs became enormous pretty quickly, and it was a dead giveaway.) I told her that it wasn't really a secret, that I was just not really discussing it with people until I had no choice. If it wasn't out there for conversation and discussion, then I didn't have to deal with stupid comments and questions from stupid people. She actually looked a little disappointed that I wasn't upset that people had 'figured it out.'
I hope that once you get through (or almost through) the first trimester you are able to find a few weeks of relative peace and somewhat easy sailing. Until then, just do the best that you can do. Big hugs...
I wanted to 'tell' the family from L&D after the event. B said that wasn't fair so we told some family at about 14 weeks, but honestly some didn't know until we sent the 'welcome to the world' email out :O
ReplyDeletePregnancy books seemed a bit lame too. I think that's normal. Not that I've asked many people but I felt the same way :)
How about just one teeny tiny baby ticker here?? That's not quite like getting emails but that way we can ALL get excited with you.
Hugs x
I am with saffy...maybe after the next appt when you get that next Ahhhh out of the way you can get that ticker here :)
ReplyDeleteI am certain you will get stupid comments...its the way we have our lives going now..BUT i do think you will be ready...and if not we will be HERE ready!! lol...they dont know who they are messing with that is for sure!! I keep saying to myself "i am not telling a SOUL until the baby comes" but then i think , that this would not be fair to a future rainbow...but then again, i never wanted to tell about alyssa anyway (its the psycho in me i guess) you tell who ever you want!! I have a feeling that "sissy" will be thinking that all is well now that you have a baby on the way...but otherwise I dont think you should have too much ignorance...The fact that we even have to wonder what is coming is sad...do we EVER get to feel normal again?? Hopefully we will at one point
ahh maggie, it IS so very different.. im around 19 and a half weeks.. we still havent told all our family.. in fact we are only told the people that get it - as you said! somehow you just know who gets it and who doesnt...
ReplyDeletei agree with saffy.. when you feel comfortable get a ticker so we can share with you! i only just worked up the guts to get a ticker on my blog... i think i got it more as a check for myself.. im nearly at the week in which matilda was born so im hoping having a ticket will help me get through the next few months!
and with regard to stupid comments.... my most recent and perhaps only comment so far with this pregnancy is "it will be your first born" needless to say you can imagine the torrent of rage and consequent responses that wer building up.. fortunately for the commentor a friend of mine walked past at that very moment and took me away from that situation - i guess given it was in the office its probably a good thing,,, thing that pisses me off the most is that same person had a miscarriage when she was my age (shes old enough to be my mother)!!!
try and enjoy your bean as much as you can - its much easier for me to tell you that then to take that pill myself!
xxx
Maggie- Hugs to you!! Thinking about you. I hope people will not say those mean and entirely rude things. If they do, I am sorry, you do not deserve that, no one does. ((Hugs))
ReplyDeleteMaggie I am sending you all my love and support! Hey i can even help you come up with some of those nasty come backs if you'd like......LOL! I know what you mean when you say you are OK with just making it week to week. I think that is all we can do after a loss. I hope that with some time you will get more excited and we can start to see a few "baby" things pop up on this page. If not give me your password and I will do it for you =p Stay strong mamma I am counting on you when I finally get there myself!!!
ReplyDeleteHere's to the next day, the next week, and the next 7-8 months of nothing but happy news that ends with a beautiful, bouncing baby!! Hugs Maggie!!!!
ReplyDeleteI just found your blog from Laura's site and commented on your other blog as well...
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to let you know that you are SO NOT ALONE! I thought that I was the only one that felt the way you do. So, thank you for sharing, because there is great comfort in knowing that I am not alone. And if you come up with some good zingers, POST THEM! I would love to have a good comeback prepared...I just never think one up until it is too late.
You are right....this time will be different. How can it not be? You may question when you should tell people? when you should register etc. The list goes on and on. We are here to support you through it *hugs*
ReplyDeleteit hurts so much to know that none of us will ever be able to truly enjoy a pregnancy again. as much as i am looking forward to getting pregnant again, i can't stand the thought of being anxious and scared for 9 months. i think i, too, will approach it like you, taking it week by week. if i manage to get past 25wks2days, i'll consider that an accomplishment in itself.
ReplyDeleteand as for the websites, i can say i will not be joining a birth club on babycenter. so many people were snooty and insulting and just rude for the sake of being rude (or so it seemed to me), and i just can't deal with that. aside from that, i made it more than halfway this time, and i've been through epidural/delivery, so i sort of feel like a veteran, even though i missed out on a lot.
I definitely understand your hesitation in telling others. If we got pregnant again we would wait too.
ReplyDeleteI do not think anyone can judge and say its too soon for anyone to have another child after loss. That decision is not theirs to make. Its upsetting that people think that we can replace our children or that we would even want to.
I love your attitude on daring people to say this and how you plan to blame your hormones on your comeback. I think if they can say something as harsh then of course you have the right to say something back hormones or not.
Some people act like grieving the loss of a child is the same as any pain felt on this earth and that we should have to understand and accommodate theirs and others feelings over our own. Its not like any pain anyone has ever felt who has not gone through this, and I wish people would just stop acting like they know and just leave it be.
*hugs*